Save the Drama for My Momma?

School drama - the sequel.

Since our IEP meeting yesterday, the entire staff is now giving me the cold shoulder. I wish I could say I don't care, but I do. Yes, the lead teacher is phoning it in. But the aids and student teacher in his class (the ones who are actually working with Dylan) are wonderful.

I can understand that they are frustrated because they now have to give my son so much of their time. Their concern is for the other kiddos in the class.

One of the aids asked me before the meeting "What do you think would happen if every parent requested as much as you are?". Translation? They are short staffed and cannot do all they should for each child so they are dividing their time up among all of them. But now that I am being so insistent, they are forced to give more time to Dylan and consequently have less time for everyone else.

All of that is true. What isn't true is that the burden of blame for this lies on my shoulders. Let them be mad at the federal government mandates for special education. Let them be mad at the state for cutting education budgets. Let them be mad at administrators who decide how to divide up these funds. But a parent who is insisting that her child receive a Free and Appropriate Education? Really?

In previous posts, I've shared a link or two for my favorite blogger Katie Davis. At the age of 18 she committed to a one year missions trip to Uganda and ended up staying. She has now made Uganda her permanent home and runs Amazima Ministries which feeds, clothes and educates over 1,600 children...and she has adopted 14 orphans.

Did I mention that she is a single 21 year old girl?

On her blog and in her book she shares her frustration at the overwhelming need she encounters as she walks the streets of her new home. Need far greater than anything she could meet herself. Despite all the good she is doing, she still finds herself holding starving babies as they breathe their last and witnessing their mothers crumple to the ground. Every week. Sometimes she wants to give up.

What keeps her going is a reassurance from God that her job is to do what he puts in front of her EACH DAY and trust Him with the rest. To be faithful with the time and finances He gives her and leave the rest in His hands.

She can't save an entire country any more than I can save an entire class of special needs students. But I rest in the knowledge that where God gives me authority, he gives me responsibility. I have authority over my son and his education - that is my responsibility. I do not have authority over state and federal government or even over how much effort other parents put into the education of their child - and without authority, I have no responsibility.

That's not to say I don't care. It's not to say that someday God won't broaden my authority so I can help them. But THIS DAY, my plate is full caring for my own five children. And in this season of my life, I am confident that my authority ends there. If the teachers and aids feel a burden for the rest of the class, then perhaps God is leading them to some sort of authority in this area so they can make changes on a state or federal level.

I am trying to see their perspective - trying to understand so that I can more readily accept their behavior.  I know that it's human nature to want to be valued and respected. When we feel as though we aren't, we sometimes try to reframe reality so that we can sleep at night. To restructure the "facts" so that we are the good guys and the other person is the bad guy. Even when that really isn't true. Because the only other alternative is to take a hard look at ourselves and make some changes. And that hurts.

But in this case, reframing reality means no one really learns anything. They don't walk away with a new found appreciation for the weight of their responsibility with these children. They don't allow the regret of half-hearted effort sink into their soul and move them to a new level of commitment in their jobs. Rather, they sit back and revisit the facts until they figure out a way to keep doing what they are doing and still be the good guys. And my sweet innocent Dylan is once again the one who suffers.

What to do?